See, what had happened was Earl and ‘Dem—‘Dem being Earl’s wife—went insane and got themselves a teenaged crumb snatcher on purpose. Earl and ‘Dem already have Princess—a 9 year old crumb snatcher. I figured Earl and ‘Dem would naturally learn about teenagers when Princess reaches 13, at which time she will be dubbed Queen of Hormonal Turmoil for the span of about five years.
‘Dem is my little sister from my college social club and I used to think she was sane. She reads my column, so I know she’s been adequately warned of the dangers of teenage inhabitation. Yet, Earl and ‘Dem still decided to get a teenage even without a 13 year 9 month gestational period that stemmed from a passionate make-out session in the backseat of a 1998 Honda Accord while listening to Bone Thugs N-Harmony’s love song, “Look Into My Eyes.”
The teenager they took on was a Swedish foreign exchange student. I asked ‘Dem how they reached that decision and she told me how her brother was getting one, how she thought it would be cool, how Earl and ‘Dem researched the workings of the transaction, how they browsed the internet and selected a candidate, and mutually decided it would be beneficial for the family, i.e. free babysitting for Princess.
Earl says it occurred like this.
‘Dem said, “My brother’s getting a foreign exchange student!”
Earl said, “That’s nice.”
Three weeks later JJ was in their home making Swedish Kringles and asking, “Kanske jag lånar bilnycklarna?” Which means, “May I borrow the car keys?”
Earl warmed up to the idea of having JJ in their home once she learned to sing the Alabama Crimson Tide fight song which they convinced her was our national anthem. They also taught her that Memphis BBQ was the national dish, Elvis Presley was the most revered deceased president in our nation’s history, and that 98% humidity is the norm for American weather. Even though I questioned their decision, I’m really proud that they sacrificed this last year to educate someone about our wonderful American history.
JJ flew back to Sweden a couple of weeks ago and as ‘Dem and I lounged in her pool and discussed their experience with the foreign exchange program, I mentioned how glad I was her stint of temporary insanity worked out as well as it did. She looked at me and said, “Well, we’ve decided to get another one.” Right then and there, I called Chief Money Maker and told him to switch our pool to chlorine because there was clearly something in the saltwater that affects the brain.
At least this time Earl will have more involvement in the decision making process. He gets to choose whether they will drive his truck or ‘Dem’s vehicle to the airport to pick up their new male foreign exchange student from Germany. I pried into their personal finances a bit and asked if they had already secured their financing for pantry stocking. They had no clue what I meant, so I went home and told Chief Money Maker to take all our savings and invest in the stock market. Doritos and Pizza Roll stocks are about to rise!
© 2012 CThacker